high people should be assigned attendants
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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