Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
