Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
