dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
