He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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