38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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