so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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