She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I enjoy the company of your penis
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
