I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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