Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
