which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tell me about the eggs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
