Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
