Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
MIDGETS
????
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize