apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
