Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
