I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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