my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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