Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
