The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
