I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think my mom watched the whole time
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
