Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
