I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize