Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
