i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize