I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
