just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
