she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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