apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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