Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
