thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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