guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
