So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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