she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
