end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
