my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
