Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
