So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
