what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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