I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
