I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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