I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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