i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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