I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
