On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Come on in and take your pants off
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