she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
