Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
