Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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