I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize