She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm bleeding and have questions
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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