My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
