Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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