she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
