look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize