I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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