So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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