Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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