I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
