im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
