90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
