Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
