It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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