Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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