What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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