We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
