my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
