hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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