Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You smell like stripper and shame
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
