it's not cheating when I paid for it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
