when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize