Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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